Fish

You

pick-up the undercurrents,

flirt with fronds of conversation;

kept safe by your immaculate schooling.

I

stand at the edge,

in shallow talk and tidal silences;

crabby, needing a drink

out of water

Eight views of an infinite number of deities

Leaves speak

languages of air

and water

The dance of leaves -

a freedom of trees

waiting for dormancy

When we build books

their leaves

whisper stories

of forests who died

for them

Canopy

is spring's song

woodland crèche

for summer's orchestra

Depth

and fertility

are gifts of leaves

to their parents

Leaf – typically home

to eleven

species of mite

Respiration of leaves

in sunlight

is life

a planet dies

resurrects

as oxygen breather

The god of leaves

superior

because she is real

The things that hide beneath your bed

are all just figments in your head,

but if one really comes inside

to scare him off shout 'MARMALADE!.

If there are dragons in your room

rumbling down there in the gloom

they'll disappear if you can

call, at your loudest, 'BREAD AND JAM'

But if you're really, really stuck,

while ghouls and monsters run amok,

the thing that they all hate the most

is when you yell 'MARMITE ON TOAST'

Correct Conduct

Two found poems from Mary Woodman’s 1912 book of the same name.

Advice for Wives

Your husband

has hundreds of faults

and weaknesses –

everybody has – do not

be reminding him constantly

of them. Make a fuss of him

on his birthday

and when he is ill

give him lots of sympathy.

Most men like sympathy.

Nor

        revel in scandal

        make puns which are silly

        bore people with stale jokes

        talk of “old men of sixty”

                when older ones are within hearing

        boast about conquests with the opposite sex

        be constantly putting people right

        if you are a faddist on food or drink

                be perpetually trying to convert people

        do things which will endanger the safety

        of those around you

                (This ranges from pointing a gun

                  to throwing empty bottles from a train)

(Taken from You should never)

Advice to couples

advice to wives revisited 2022

Your partner

has hundreds of faults

and weaknesses –

everybody has – do not

be reminding them constantly.

Make a fuss of them

on their birthday

and when they are ill

give them lots of sympathy.

Most people like sympathy.

Fame, if you hanker for it, is here.

A smattering of plaques, bolted

to surprised walls of unlikely houses,

an unending well of graves

and memorials, splashed across

every city, town, or village.

We have a minor murmuration

of peculiar museums, occasional dwellings

and an apothecary garden to ambush

tourists of the obscure. Beer

is popular and more castles than folly

would suggest is good for us.

But turn your back on brickwork,

let stone peter-out along tracks

unmetalled since… humanity? Catch

a reflection of our older selves

in the hush of breeze rippling fields

between architectural hedgerows.

Breathe the phloem pheromones of trees

and eavesdrop unintelligible chatter

sparrows pizzicato from hidden interiors.

Cross the narrow waterways spiriting 

power from brook to meandering Trent

and catch the song of your ancestors’ work.

Know that we built this unnatural countryside

and we tend this engine of cyclical rebirth.

We tend our most complex installation,

and we make it beautiful, a beating heart

in the chest of our island. This is creation.

Beyond slogans, art, science, history. Life.

When Alice came home the girl was watching tv,

the boy was on the x-box. Two plates contained remains

of tinned spaghetti and toast.

When Alice came home the girl watched tv,

the boy played x-box. Yesterday's plates on the floor.

Two more, with toast and bean smears, on the sofa.

When Alice arrived home the girl was watching tv,

the boy playing x-box. Spaghetti plates against walls

beneath beaned ones. Picked-off pizza bits on a plate.

As Alice entered, the girl was watching the boy

playing x-box on tv. Several cornered plates

climbed the walls on top of an uncertain mess.

When Alice came home the girl was watching tv,

the boy was on the x-box. Toppled plates near the corner

showing, most recently, macaroni cheese and candy kisses.

Let's stay at home alone tonight,

just the two of us, and chill

with a cold Italian white

and homemade curry – eat our fill

then retire drunkenly to bed.

In the morning, lets not go to work

but in the plane-less quiet overhead

listen to the birds, it's nice to shirk

all responsibility this way.

Perhaps (but maybe not!) start chores

by early afternoon and if the day

needs more we'll speak to both next-doors

across the fences either side

while sitting in the garden pulling weeds.

Later we'll discuss and then decide

how the plan for next day's leisure reads –

pretend that, while we can go anywhere,

we'll choose to be in here and not out there.